7 Months Today
My beautiful Aleya,
It's amazing to me how seven months can seem like an eternity...and just like yesterday...all at the same time. Seven months ago today we said "Goodbye" to you for the last time.
The blurred images of hundreds of people lining the halls of the hospital as we walked beside your bed on the way to the operating room for your last act of unconditional love through donating your organs are burned into my brain.
My heart physically hurts as I think about our last goodbye. These last months have been the hardest of my life. AND, the most beautiful!
I've discovered that grief is a terrible and wonderful gift. I couldn't fathom that reality seven months ago. However, today I see and understand.
I experience the most heart crushing hurt I could ever imagine wrapped in the most lavish love I could ever dream.
Although I miss you desperately, there's a part of me that's glad that you never had to experience the pain of grief that this fallen world can bring. In God's infinite love, He spared you from the crushing heartache of loss and for that I am eternally grateful.
A lot changed in seven months. I wish you were here for me to tell you all about it.
The world still moves slowly around me. Often I feel like a stranger in a foreign land...set apart and alone.
I'm not the Daddy you knew and loved. I'm forever changed. Like fire working on gold, the suffering and grief I've endured has destroyed things within me and purified and strengthened others. I know I am called not to waste my sorrow but to grow through it into grace and glory. Finally I can begin to see and become who I really am...who God created me to be.
I know God doesn't waste a tear. The gift of your picture of love through Jesus has changed countless lives. And you've changed me.
Do you know? Can you see?
Your prayer for a new story was radically answered...not in the way we hoped, but perfectly by God's grace.
I miss you every day, Princess. I see your empty chair every morning and I walk by your dark room each night. I remember the wonderful times we shared. I lament the loss of the dreams I dreamed for you, AND hold faithfully to the promise we will be together again for all eternity.
Seven months ago, your race ended. For today, I still have a purpose to fulfill and work to do. So I'll keep taking another step...pressing on...
Watch for me, Princess. And when you see me in the distance...I'll come running to hold you in my arms.
Forever together. Never again to be apart.
I will never say "Goodbye" to you again. Ever!
I'll be there soon! Daddy
P.S. I saw you in the clouds today. I miss you…